Teach Champ Pillows

'Every single piece of homework handed in this morning - there couldn't have been much on TV last night!'

Inclusive speech

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Camping holidays in the British summer.

Examinations.

'Is there such a thing as over communicating?'

"So what brings you in today?"

Bird on phone: 'Hold on, I have caw waiting.'

'No more appointments today, Miss Mitchell. I'm all psyched out.'

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

Monkey casino study.

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

The art of fishing.

'It's no use ... I'll never catch anyone. I can't even catch my breath.'

"A school's purpose is to excite, engage and stimulate its students' minds...or so I'm told."

"Careful...she bites."

'In the old days we used charcoal. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'

'If you want to save your marriage, tell each other you're sorry.' 'Youre sorry!'

"'Wash the Car'? Isn't that nepotism?"

'Hey, I just noticed something. So you know what you get if you cover the 'c' in potato chips? Potato hips, isn't that funny?'

'We're never going to sort out our marital problems like this. Can't we speak to one of your colleagues, darling?'

"She's so smart...on the highway of life, she's in the E-Z Pass lane."

'The bad news is that we've had to inform clients of drastic cuts to services...We managed to do it in 17 languages!'

Man reading while being surrounded by TV's

"No, they're not kids on a fields trip. They're from out IT department. They seem to be getting younger and younger these days."

"Anyway, Her Royal Highness here insists I'm sarcastic."

'I can't wait for the 2012 'Limpets' to begin...!'

"If you don't want me to sound like that when I imitate you, then don't sound like that when you talk to me."

'...There's something about rescued dogs - they're just eager to please.'

"Gaudeamus igitur, Juvenes dum sumus; Post jucundam juventutem, post molestam senectutem nos habebit humus."

Edwin Pobursky, sign-language interpreter for deaf-mute callers.