Teach Champ Pillows

'Every single piece of homework handed in this morning - there couldn't have been much on TV last night!'

Inclusive speech

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Camping holidays in the British summer.

Examinations.

'Is there such a thing as over communicating?'

We never got anything done around here until we invented verbs.

"So what brings you in today?"

Bird on phone: 'Hold on, I have caw waiting.'

'No more appointments today, Miss Mitchell. I'm all psyched out.'

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

Monkey casino study.

"Is it a 'personal attack' if I can prove he’s an idiot?"

The art of fishing.

'It's no use ... I'll never catch anyone. I can't even catch my breath.'

Substitute Teacher of the Year Award.

"What setting do I use for this?"

'In the old days we used charcoal. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.'

"Careful...she bites."

"A school's purpose is to excite, engage and stimulate its students' minds...or so I'm told."

'If you want to save your marriage, tell each other you're sorry.' 'Youre sorry!'

'Hey, I just noticed something. So you know what you get if you cover the 'c' in potato chips? Potato hips, isn't that funny?'

"She's so smart...on the highway of life, she's in the E-Z Pass lane."

"'Wash the Car'? Isn't that nepotism?"

'We're never going to sort out our marital problems like this. Can't we speak to one of your colleagues, darling?'

'The bad news is that we've had to inform clients of drastic cuts to services...We managed to do it in 17 languages!'

Man reading while being surrounded by TV's

"No, they're not kids on a fields trip. They're from out IT department. They seem to be getting younger and younger these days."

"Anyway, Her Royal Highness here insists I'm sarcastic."

'I can't wait for the 2012 'Limpets' to begin...!'

"If you don't want me to sound like that when I imitate you, then don't sound like that when you talk to me."

Apple Kids

"Gaudeamus igitur, Juvenes dum sumus; Post jucundam juventutem, post molestam senectutem nos habebit humus."

Edwin Pobursky, sign-language interpreter for deaf-mute callers.