Tchotchke King Or Queen T-Shirts

"My weakness is collectible porcelain ponies."

Any time is cake o'clock

"This feels like an accomplishment."

"Surprise!"

TV jester.

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"It's too late for Jim. The tchotchkes have him now."

'C'mon, c'mon! I want to be the first one on the stair-climbing machine!'

"If there's any one lesson we've learned from the eighties, it's how to shop!"

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"C'mon! C'mon! Almost there..."

Buns Of Veal.

'Do you feel the burn?', 'Yes -- in fact, I think my pancreas is scorched.'

"This spectacular 40 room property has majestic views of the valley and village and it was tastefully renovated after the most recent Viking incursion."

'Big advantage!!'

"Are we interested in a meticulously detailed, genuine silver coin, issued and authenticated by the Franklin Mint, honoring whichever schmuck wins?"

Get well. Get down.

"I told you Miley's twerking video wasn't going to be pretty!"

'So let me get this straight. Instead of our kingdom we now just have a horse?'

"How would you like to be queen for a day?"

Weatherman

'It's a realistic sports game! The object is to sign the biggest endorsement contract.'

'You're more than just a piece of meat to me!'

'With 4 grandparents, 6 aunts, and 5 cousins to kiss, I gotta tell ya, I'm just going through the motions.'

"Just because you collect them doesn't make them collectibles."

Royal Fridge Magnet

'I am sooo tired: I only slept fifteen hours yesterday...'

'My first name is 'sit' and my last name is 'stay'.'

AnneMarie was convinced that her car had mysteriously shrunk while she was shopping.

'Just be patient, will you? — our compuer is down.'

'I can't believe you hired your National Security Advisor from Cratg's List!'

"Wilfred, did you leave the lid off the body glitter?"

"OK, so new decluttering strategy: we put all the tchotchkes in a box in the basement, then throw them away in 10-15 years when their emotional hold over us has sufficiently weakened."

'Half bread and honey, and half blackbirds.'