Taxpayer Pillows

Tax Man Deducts A Witch's Broom As A Travel Expense

'I have to hand it to you, you're always ahead of me!'

'Any other ways you 'give back' than to the I.R.S.?'

'Hey! Roll a mile in my shoes!'

Who Will Pay?

'Oh, yeah, they're cute until you can no longer claim them as dependents on your tax return.'

Sorry, you can't claim depreciation on your wife.

About this dependant of yours...

'Even after death you must pay a tax - the sin tax, , ,'

IRS, 'You have to mail us your return, Mr. Fogarty -- phoning in a pledge isn't enough.'

"My costs are up - I'll need more money..."

'Do you remember my old classmate Bob? He was always honest. He worked like a dog and never was a tax dodger or a moonlighter and he never had debts. Last week, he was found starved to death in a subway tunnel...'

I got caught cheating in my tax return.

'Your money? -- does it or does it not have 'United States Treasury' printed on it?'

IRS, 'Oh, you needn't be unduly concerned, sir -- this year, we're auditing everybody with silly mustaches.'

"Why can't I deduct my restaurant bills as medical expenses? If I didn't eat, I'd get sick."

"While I am a taxpayer and I might be a horse's arse I don't like being treated like one."

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

'...And here we have the 'Laugher Curve.''

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

"It's the new simplified tax demand from HMRC. . . Three Questions - How much did you earn last year? How much have you got left? And how soon can you send it. . .?"

"My accountant is brilliant - he has just had a loophole names after him!"

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

"Tax evasion is like a cancer, it's growing exponentially!"

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'

'Check with legal and find out -- maybe we're a non-profit.'

I'm afraid neatness doesn't count, Mrs Wilson

Counting dollars

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

"I rob from the poor and give to the rich."

"Taxation with representation hasn't worked out so well." (two men at the US capital talking taxes and politics)

'I couldn't imagine bringing a child into the current fiscal-cliffy world.'