Tax Trivia Master Gifts

You might not know how well off you are, Mr. Hobson, but we do.

'I outsmarted the IRS. I didn't make a cent last year!'

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

Accountant Bedtime Stories

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

'He's trying to persuade the Inland Revenue that it's a tax haven.'

"Well, if it's a fairy story you want, here's a good one that arrived at the office today."

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

I've managed to get your tax bill down to zero, this year ... however, my bill is $10 million.

'I'm not experienced, but I have a PhD in Byzantine history.'

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

'I'm here about the tax credits for business equipment which you listed in your return as 'Betty', 'Mabel', 'Liz'...'

'Then he smiled and his very last words were 'Now the inland revenue will never find out!''

'Don't get me wrong, the Church is glad to hear your confession of improper contributions, but only the I.R.S. can grant absolution.'

"Your tax return reads like one of your novels."

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

IRS: April is the cruelest month.

'Professor Blaupunkt's research, funded by the I.R.S., is to find any signs of taxes on other planets.'

'...We're just the Intergalactic Rescue Society.'

'Doing your taxes wasn't what I had in mind when I asked for an extra-credit assignment in econ.'

'This is great fiction! My cousin, an agent in Hollywood, may be able to sell book and movie rights.'

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

'It only made sense for us to finally merge.'

'You won't have me as a deduction anymore.'

"He's ready for you now. Don't forget to ask for the job at the end of the interview."

'I came to explain about my income tax.' - 'Ok, start lying.'

"Lessee ... I suppose my current income is around ... "

'I wanted a few words about your tax return - have I called at an inconvenient time?'

"Have I met my deductible yet?"

"I've never objected to paying tax... as long as it's other people paying."