Tax Savings Strategist Gifts

'Reinvent yourself. You write off the whole thing as a business expense!'

Foreign Markets with Big Barriers

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

Investing your savings

'Greenspan said today the alert staus for the possible interest rate has been reduced from orange to yellow.'

Lemonade - $500 A Glass! 'Yes, my prices high, but how else am I supposed to buy a Boulevart M109R? Certainly not on my allowance.'

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"

Man breaks piggy bank to find another smaller piggy bank inside.

"Good news. Your medical prognosis is right in sync with your retirement portfolio."

"The time has come for some tough cost-cutting decisions, and I'm forced to ask myself, do we really need a bass?"

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

'The sick economy isn't why J.B.has cut back on spending. He always was a tightwad.'

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

Welcome all to the monthly gathering of Tightwads United. Hi there. Hello. Hey. On tonight's agenda: Dumpster diving, coupon clipping, and a special lecture. How to carpool while always getting the other person to drive. I'm like a god. Woohoo!! Yeah!!! Clap clap clap clap clap clap clap. Tightwads United.

"And this financial plan is specifically designed for people who know their retirement -- IF they get one -- won't be half as good as their parents' retirement, and are really steamed about it!"

Man feeding fish banks with money, not food.

"Get someone to make the slot bigger."

'Are you good with decimals? Our certificate of deposit is currently paying 0.025%.'

'It may seem we're sinking deeper into debt, but really we're just experiencing a quarter of negative growth.'

"You know what I hate about getting older? I don't have the reflexes to dodge taxes like I used to."

If this carries on we're going to lose all our tax losses.

Nest Egg

The Mattress Savings Bank

"Let's just say the value of your account has gone from jumbo to fun size."

"Safe FDIC insured, guaranteed 2.65% APY...check out our new Emotional Support CDs."

'Keep a lid on it!'

'A tax audit? I out sourced my books, records and book keeping to India months ago.'

'Damn! I was saving that for a rainy day!'

'They are like family...they're my family of retirement funds.'

"With the rises in fuel, food and mortgage I'm going to have to put in some overtime."

'I'm worth more than $3,000 as a federal income tax exemption. So how about a raise in my allowance?'

Rolling Over a Pension.