Tax Return Master Pillows

'We'd like to ask you a few questions, regarding your activities in the counting house.'

Accountant Bedtime Stories

IRS agent to lady: 'Your refund was delayed because of shredded paperwork ... but we're putting it all together with red tape.'

"We invested everything we had in our marriage."

IRS: April is the cruelest month.

'When I was a youngster I was going to be a Rock GOD, but the allure of working with multi-denominational tax efficient offshore bonds proved too strong.'

"Oh boy, am I never glad to see you."

Annual sleep disorder for tax accountants.

"Head of household? Now, who would that be?"

'We invested everything we had in our marriage.'

'I see here you're a professional writer. That explains the touch of whimsy in your return.'

"May I keep this to hang up on my wall? It's a real doozy."

"Don't forget to say thank you, Malcolm."

IRS, 'Here's your refund, sir, minus postage and handling.'

'Just a personal question - who audits your tax return?'

"Hey, you're good! I could do with someone like you who knows all the loopholes."

'if I didn't know those guys were public servants, I could swear it was the other way around.'

"I'll be with you in a minute, sir - Just have a seat and don't make any funny moves."

"What do you want, accuracy or plausible deniability?"

I'm self employed being self employed

"Before we begin, would you like a prozac?"

'You want an extension? In the middle of the war on terrorism!'

"You failed to enclose with your rebate form the correct tail feather from an extinct bird species so we are unable to process your request..."

'Certainly I expect to deduct the diet clinic. The lean and hungry look is for business purposes.'

"Do you think I could claim depreciation on my worn out hip?"

Mr Small had the sinking feeling that his meeting with the tax inspector might not be as smooth as he'd hoped...

'I can't find a darn thing wrong with your return -- could you come back tomorrow?'

'Like the sign says...It's all THEIRS.'

"Have to run, Al - I've got an accounting gig at two."

'I'm worried, Dear. My agent and his supervisor are arguing over first dibs at our audit.'

'I outsmarted the IRS. I didn't make a cent last year!'

"There's accounting, there's creative accounting, and then there's G. Thomas Whatly."

"And now the winner for 'most creative tax loophole'..."

'Hey, there's an IRS truck out front. And a bunch of agents. I'll bet they're delivering our refund. . .'

Inland Revenue providing tissues for clients