Tax Return Master Pillows

'We'd like to ask you a few questions, regarding your activities in the counting house.'

IRS agent to lady: 'Your refund was delayed because of shredded paperwork ... but we're putting it all together with red tape.'

"We invested everything we had in our marriage."

IRS: April is the cruelest month.

'When I was a youngster I was going to be a Rock GOD, but the allure of working with multi-denominational tax efficient offshore bonds proved too strong.'

Annual sleep disorder for tax accountants.

'We invested everything we had in our marriage.'

"Head of household? Now, who would that be?"

'I see here you're a professional writer. That explains the touch of whimsy in your return.'

"I'll be with you in a minute, sir - Just have a seat and don't make any funny moves."

'if I didn't know those guys were public servants, I could swear it was the other way around.'

"May I keep this to hang up on my wall? It's a real doozy."

"Hey, you're good! I could do with someone like you who knows all the loopholes."

"Don't forget to say thank you, Malcolm."

'Just a personal question - who audits your tax return?'

IRS, 'Here's your refund, sir, minus postage and handling.'

"What do you want, accuracy or plausible deniability?"

"You failed to enclose with your rebate form the correct tail feather from an extinct bird species so we are unable to process your request..."

'You want an extension? In the middle of the war on terrorism!'

I'm self employed being self employed

'Certainly I expect to deduct the diet clinic. The lean and hungry look is for business purposes.'

Mr Small had the sinking feeling that his meeting with the tax inspector might not be as smooth as he'd hoped...

'I can't find a darn thing wrong with your return -- could you come back tomorrow?'

"Do you think I could claim depreciation on my worn out hip?"

"Before we begin, would you like a prozac?"

"Have to run, Al - I've got an accounting gig at two."

'I outsmarted the IRS. I didn't make a cent last year!'

"And now the winner for 'most creative tax loophole'..."

"There's accounting, there's creative accounting, and then there's G. Thomas Whatly."

'I'm worried, Dear. My agent and his supervisor are arguing over first dibs at our audit.'

'Hey, there's an IRS truck out front. And a bunch of agents. I'll bet they're delivering our refund. . .'

Inland Revenue providing tissues for clients

"Today, we will talk about your phony numbers. We will not talk about the I.R.S. having too many cooks!"