Tax Return Magicians Gifts

IRS, 'Here's your refund, sir, minus postage and handling.'

"Tax evasion is like a cancer, it's growing exponentially!"

'Check with legal and find out -- maybe we're a non-profit.'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

'Don't worry! Since 28% of my salary goes to the government, I've decided to work 72% of the time!'

"I still have my loophole, but I can't drive a truck through it."

'You think he overheard my last lecture on tax code revision?'

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

"Taxation, meet Representation."

I've managed to get your tax bill down to zero, this year ... however, my bill is $10 million.

You may go free, to worry about tax and the economy like the rest of us.

'I've begun spreading my wealth to offshore accounts.'

"Hi, I'm Bob Darrel. I'm here to perform the audit of your books. Don't mind the vultures. They follow me everywhere."

"I see you've arranged your life and business so that you can deduct everything. Do you know the penalty for 'trying to beat the system'?"

'I'm here about the tax credits for business equipment which you listed in your return as 'Betty', 'Mabel', 'Liz'...'

'I'm very sorry, sir. Even for stressed out bankers, whiskey and gin aren't tax-deductible expenses.'

The Meaning of Life/Tax Avoidance Advice.

'First, I want you to get your dependents off my desk.'

"We invested everything we had in our marriage."

'I wonder if I can declare you as dependents on my income taxes?'

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

'...I also do some work for the tax department.'

"If you have to ask what a loophole is, you probably can't afford it."

'Before I send in my taxes,I want to know if I'm going to be audited.'

'I wanted a few words about your tax return - have I called at an inconvenient time?'

Retrofitting Tax Loopholes Since 1968.

'Your Honor, my client pleads not guilty to tax evasion by reason of math phobia.'

'Sorry, you can't claim depreciation on your wife.'

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

'You feel it? Tax havens and Swiss bank accounts are back in!'