Tax-related Humor Pillows

'His last request is to call up the Internal Revenue Service and tell them to go to HELL!'

Before we start, would you be interested in some tickets for the Inland Revenue Annual Dance?

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

"Here's a new bill to pay...intellectual property tax!"

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."

"Do you have any receipts from this this 'alien abduction'?"

'Historically, the population decline started when the Dodo Government introduced a tax on flying...'

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

Tax relief

Ancient Greece. "The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Socrates clearly lived in a time before IRS audits.

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

"Think of the raising of taxes as a motivational tool to go out and make more money."