Tax Humor Aficionado Pillows

'Sorry, you can't claim depreciation on your wife.'

External Revenue Service

One good thing about the salary, you won't be liable for income tax.

IRS, 'Oh, you needn't be unduly concerned, sir -- this year, we're auditing everybody with silly mustaches.'

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

IRS AUDIT DEPARTMENT, 'It's a bet -- if I don't take the next one down, I owe you a hundred bucks.'

IRS: 'OK, I'm an athlete who didn't pay enough taxes! That doesn't give you the right to taunt me!'

Tax Inspector.

'There he goes, the stranger who audited Black Bart.'

'Then - badabing! - it hit me: IRS National HQ - the Feds are never going to find us!'

'This may hurt a little.'

Yes, they are all dependants."

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"You can't be serious about all these travel expenses in December!"

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."