Tax Irony Strategist Gifts

"If I gave you a raise, it would put you in a higher tax bracket and you would have less take home pay."

'There's more to life than winning. There's also losing - to offset taxable capital gains.'

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

"My MP ensured that there are laws which allow me to evade taxes legally. We both end up winning!"

"Get someone to make the slot bigger."

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

If this carries on we're going to lose all our tax losses.

"You know what I hate about getting older? I don't have the reflexes to dodge taxes like I used to."

'I'm dressed as a vat inspector.'

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

'A tax audit? I out sourced my books, records and book keeping to India months ago.'

"On my taxes, I claimed my inner child as a dependent."

It's kind of a cross between hunting and gathering --- I calling it "taxing."

'Keep a lid on it!'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

'I'm worth more than $3,000 as a federal income tax exemption. So how about a raise in my allowance?'

'Sometimes I think it would be more merciful just to enslave them.'

'Someday, son, this will all be yours...to give to the IRS, thanks to the back taxes I owe.'

'Oh...the IRS called. Something about an audit. I told them we weren't interested.'

"Think of the raising of taxes as a motivational tool to go out and make more money."

tax

"Here's a new bill to pay...intellectual property tax!"

"It's a bill."

'Wasn't that the Chancellor?'

Tax relief

'Funny you should mention that - I happen to be involved in a joint research project with the Department of Agriculture for the express purpose of getting blood from a turnip.'

"Are you V.A.T. registered..?"

"Bad debts, yes, but you can't deduct bad trips."

How to make sure he won't see his shadow.

I filed my tax return electronically, to speed things up. Sure enough, I got audited in record time.