Tax Filing Season Gifts

Bank Loans - 'We were looking to buy a tank of petrol.'

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

Businessman in suit on beach with financial report and eyes cut out viewing impending storm.

"It's the new simplified tax demand from HMRC. . . Three Questions - How much did you earn last year? How much have you got left? And how soon can you send it. . .?"

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

I'm afraid neatness doesn't count, Mrs Wilson

I've found a loophole in your loophole

"For this job, we require someone with excellent multi-taxing skills."

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

'We've gone to profit-sharing. But it's with the IRS.'

The IRS emptied my pouch.

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

Yes, they are all dependants."

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"Your repayments start now!"

'I got a big refund on my income tax.'

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

"Other folks have to pay taxes, too, Mr. Herndon, so would you please spare us the dramatics!"

'Right now I'm counting the blessings that we owe to Uncle Sam.'