First Tax Season Gifts

"Hope you know how fortunate you are...next year's tax forms get complicated..."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

Businessman in suit on beach with financial report and eyes cut out viewing impending storm.

"It's the new simplified tax demand from HMRC. . . Three Questions - How much did you earn last year? How much have you got left? And how soon can you send it. . .?"

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

'Brilliant, Prof.Brainstorm. Any fool can come up with a new product, you've come up with a new tax break.'

"Of course, I'm perfectly willing to pay my income tax, but I stayed home all day on the fifteenth, and nobody came."

'Are you ready for your FISCAL examination?'

'...and at this point I'm afraid the tax laws become totally theoretical.'

University Cafeteria. The first semester of college is tough. I'm not taking geography because I couldn't find the classroom on the map. I'm way behind on my archeology assignments. I'm buried and need to dig my way out. And everybody in political science lies and cheats to get ahead. How are you doing in statistics? I think I'm doing very well! My test scores are hugely below the class median. I should probably learn what that means.

Lots of famous art may have been inspired by taxes. Jackson Pollack's "Number 5" could be a visual representation of global regulations. And perhaps Rodin's "The Thinker" is a man trying to understand those rules. Maybe Roy Lichtenstein's "Ohhh ... Alright ..." shows a woman being told to continue holding to get her tax question answered. And they there's Edvard Munch's "The Scream" ... Nothing makes you feel like that more than preparing a tax return!

I've found a loophole in your loophole

I'm afraid neatness doesn't count, Mrs Wilson

'Do you remember the good old days when April 15 was the only 'fiscal cliff' people worried about?'

"It only made sense for us to finally merge."

The IRS emptied my pouch.

"This pesky decimal point seems to give you quite a bit of trouble."

"For this job, we require someone with excellent multi-taxing skills."

"So, you want your owners to write you off and treat you more like their kid?"

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

Dr. Kapuchnik, I feel like there are powerful, sinister, unseen forces conspiring to do me harm, even though I haven't done anything wrong. Does this condition have a name? It's called April 15th, Al. Tax day.

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"Says, property of the I.R.S."

'We've gone to profit-sharing. But it's with the IRS.'

Minion, I've noticed several of the patrons are working on their laptops, tablets and phones. Yeah, that's what people do in cafes, boss. Are you aware, minion, that states and municipalities regularly tax people who conduct business within their borders? I don't see why the state should have a monopoly on taxation. Do you, minion? Inform the patrons they've missed the cafe's April 15th filing deadline, so there will be penalties. If the government can be "We the People," Armstrong Maynard can b

"Thank you, and may the I.R.S. accept all your deductions."

"I can't imagine how things could get any worse."

"Your repayments start now!"

'Due to recent staff cut-backs and consolidations, I'll be handling your death AND your taxes this year!'

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

'Right now I'm counting the blessings that we owe to Uncle Sam.'

'Hang on, I've just found another one. It must've fallen down behind the coffee machine.'

'I got a big refund on my income tax.'