Tax Banter Aficionado Gifts

Inland Revenue - Calling him 'Big Brother' wasn't very smart!

Contrary to popular belief, the road to Hell is paved with a comprehensive, lifetime tax return.

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

'Hey -- No fair peeking!'

Minion, I've noticed several of the patrons are working on their laptops, tablets and phones. Yeah, that's what people do in cafes, boss. Are you aware, minion, that states and municipalities regularly tax people who conduct business within their borders? I don't see why the state should have a monopoly on taxation. Do you, minion? Inform the patrons they've missed the cafe's April 15th filing deadline, so there will be penalties. If the government can be "We the People," Armstrong Maynard can b

'We've gone to profit-sharing. But it's with the IRS.'

'One advantage of having so many dependents is that I don't have to worry about income taxes.'

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

'Dad, did you say 'someday all this will be theirs'?' 'No, me say, 'The IRS's'.'

IRS, 'It might make you feel better if you just think of it as a negative entitlement.'

"Look at that – they’re retreating!"

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

You want an extension? Good heavens, man, we haven't even paid for Reagans boondoggles yet!

'I've figured out a way to lower your income tax...give you less income.'

"There's no business deductions like show business deductions."

'I'm dressed as a vat inspector.'

'You realize, of course, Death is the ultimate tax shelter?'

Stimulus bust

'We learned today that the world is a huge ball, which revolves on it's taxes.'

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

'Ah, I see you made £2,000 more for me this year.'

'I was all ready to deal with the military, but I never expected an IRS coup!'

'You Americans call it 'Illegal Tax Evasion'? Well, here in Europe, we call it 'Monaco Effect Investments''!

"I now represent both death and taxes."

Romney: 'Corporations are people! We just pay a lot less taxes than you!'

'I'd like to think they contribute because it's the right thing to do, but I'm not above a short sermon on tax deductibility.'

"Our accountant is great. We were a C corp, but now we're a B- corp."

"Sure they love us, but once we turn 18 and are no longer a tax deduction, they'll tell us to move out!"

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

Budget reaction.

'If the meek inherit the earth, imagine the capital gains tax.'

'You can't sit like that all the way through the Budget.'

'Maybe we can't fool all the people all the time, but we sure can tax all the people all the time.'

'It's tax avoidance crackdown avoidance.'

'This is the part of my paycheck that goes to taxes.'