Tantrum Manager Pillows

'Do I need to practice for the flight I'm going to scream on?'

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

'Hey, everyone! I think I found the bottleneck!'

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

"Vegetables, vegetables, vegetables, welcome to my dystopian world!"

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

'You'll find there's no middle ground with Kirk Knoland.'

"Hold on a second, Bob. I'm putting you on a stickie."

"Use your inside scream."

'We've moved some fussy people, but she tops it!'

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

Caution: use only under child supervison

Stockwell's day

Out of patience

"I'm making a list of everything we have to do before we go away so we can freak out in some kind of order."

'I hate 'bring your inner child to work day.''

The Terrible Forty-Twos

Turn Down For What.

Women pay for one hour of uninterrupted sleep.

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

A Mom's Purse

'You think you have it rough. Try organizing a waiting room.'

"No screen time means more scream time."

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"

Businessman with novelty in and out baskets.

"I'm not very scary now, but I will be if I don't get candy."

Kid's Driving You Crazy?

"Little Ethan is quite the handful, but Susan and I have no regrets about stealing him from the maternity ward."

"I'm late for that lecture on the importance of relaxation!"

'Why is it when ever we have guests, you have to go and make a scene?'

'We're drying Jimmy's clothes, mom!'

'That's enough Rusty.'