Talking Over Drinks Gifts

"She's a psychopathic, delusional, borderline personality—and I can say that because I'm a psychopathic, delusional, borderline personality myself."

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

Liquidity Lunch

Blue Blazer Cocktail.

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

''Is there anybody there?'

'I managed to crack a smile during the first 15-minures but the last 45-minutres were a bust!

'The way I got it doped out, post-modern man is all context and fragment.'

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times—Hey! I'm taking to you! It was the best of times..."

'Did you ever realize that we're really drinking coffee out of large sippy cups?'

"I hear alcohol slows reactions..."

"As far as I'm concerned, they can do what they want with the minimum wage, just as long as they keep their hands off the maximum wage."

'Do you believe we return in another form when our time is through?'

"No, I've never been to the Hamptons, but I have been in hellish traffic."

'What I really wanted was to get drunk on power.'

"I won't suffer fools gladly. Yourself excepted, of course."

Oh quit chasing your fifteen minutes of fame, you spend thousands of hours under surveillance cameras.

'There are only 4 tastes, but thousands of smells - believe me, you don't know what you're missing.'

"My wife's an angel."

The Braggart

"He went red state on me."

'I'm 50 percent lovable and 50 percent bitch. Don't push it.'

"Try telling that to the Kansas Board of Education."

Al Murray

"When my dad died it was left to me to manage his affairs..."

"I'm probably in the minority, but I would've loved to see Mantle on steroids."

"What's the big deal? I lopped off my own damn penis years ago."

'Herbert's divorcing me. I just hope he doesn't make too much of a fuss when I tell him.'

'Sometimes, you can be quite philosophical, Bert.'

"It's SO nice to meet a man who doesn't have a one-track mind..."