Talking Heads Pillows

"Well, that's enough about me, what shall we talk about now?"

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

The President Elect approved by 3 out of 4 talk show hosts!

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

Talk shows are great. Listen shows are even better.

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

Dialogue

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The David Letterman Show Goes to the Dogs, Cats, Birds, Guinea Pigs...

LATE NIGHT WITH DAVID MAMET

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

"I wanted a partner... I got a co-host."

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

'What TV show do frog princes go on ...?...'

Letterman Show: 'He's always been at my side...the one consonant in my life...'

Jerry Springer of biblical times.

Men discussing a book on a chat show

"When did you first notice you were larger than life?"

Late Night with Patrick O'Brian

Dr. Phil takes it home.

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

Dr. Kapuchnik, I notice that you've been quoting Dr. Phil a lot lately. That's because I'm hoping that if he sees me sucking up to him in the comics, he'll bankroll the TV-show proposal I sent to his production company, Gasbag Enterprises.

"Did you hear Sadie's show today?"

Obama: The Other White Meat

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! Super delegates. A candidate could win the most votes in the primaries but lose anyway of the superdelegates want someone else! Can you believe that? Oh stop yer sniveling. In my day, the parties chose candidates in smoke-filled backrooms without even pretending the people get a vote. At least this charade gets you out of the house. Gets the blood pumping. I guess.

Larry King

"Dad, will you play judge and tell me if Raymond or Joey is the father of my baby doll?"

Trappist talk show.

"I understand they've uncovered some weird new side effects since you were here last."

"Yes, the market did advance this week, Rebecca, but we feel it's somewhat of a 'dead-cat bounce.'"

The Walking TED Talk.

Progressive Media Outlets and The Right.