Talkative Companion Pillows

'I can't keep a secret, either!'

Man wrapped in conversation.

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

"When I first arrived, Young Master was always with me and Old Master didn't want anything to do with me, nor it's the opposite: Go figure..."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"He's sworn never to say Boudicca, ShrOwsbury, whoM, or narrative."

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

"Hello? Is that the canine help line?...."

Woman on the phone.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

'There's a bench over there why not sit down and rest your weary mouth?'

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

"Then he suggested we go to a leash optional beach."

"When I get to heaven do you think I'll get my testicles back?"

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"I just don't get it, they don't do it themselves, so why do they insist on us sitting before crossing the road?"

'I don't get it. He's got only one tongue and two ears, but he talks twice as much as he listens.'

If dogs were psychiatrists.

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

"The way I see it, microchipping is an invasion of our privacy!"

"I can remember when he used to try to tell us things."

"I just want someone who texts me as often as Joe Biden does, you know?"

White Wine Wisdom (2)

"Really? Everyone we hang out with we also met through our puppies."

Dog and man on couch

'Enough of my tapeworm - tell me about your fleas.'

Communication

'Don't forget to talk about their dog!'

'I like this shampoo. It says here: 'Not tested on animals'!'

"Say something like 'Bow-wow' or 'Arf-arf' and you'll really break them up."

"I'm about ready to forgive the French."