Tales From The Office Gifts

'I can't sleep... Tell me about your day at the office again.'

'We're just like family. Stop mumbling, Cindy. Straighten up, Fred. Get that hair out of your eyes, Janet...'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

"Of course I have a life. Not one worth living, mind you."

"Did you hear that that bastard McMinney has buggered of to work for Bank of America!"

Guess which "squeaky wheel" got another raise.

"You would be perfect if you weren't you!"

'I'm a fat cat in a dog-eat-dog world.'

"The water does taste a little funny. Maybe they added analgesics, to ease the pain of restructuring."

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

My husband doesn´t understand you.

'I'm here for 10 years and I don't have a clue about what this company is doing. I'm here just because of the gossip!'

Office zombie.

"I know this is just my humble opinion, but it's backed by the most comprehensive rumor, gossip and speculation this office can provide!"

'Never roll your eyes while the boss is talking.'

'And along with your promotion you get a key to the executive bedroom.'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The defibrillators are used when someone is either having a heart attack or trying to leave early."

'Forget about me - what can you tell me about the new CEO coming on board?'

'It just got ugly. Ed from I.T. drank the entire water cooler and he wasn't even thirsty!'

"So who else is gonna be there?"

"There's a rumour that someone may be resigning today."

"Of course, I'm not suggesting that you should also bail."

A big announcement is coming at work.

"Did you hear the good news? We're engaged to become work spouses."

'The girls in the office said you were very energetic in bed - the lying bastards!'

'Miss Walker, bring a new pair of underpants right this minute!'

"Before you speak to the manager, we want to congratulate you on being our one millionth irate customer."

"You'll fit right in. You have a great sense of rumor."

"Call a meeting, Miss Pendleton. I want to hear some Corporate Creole."

"I hear he's getting six figures a year."

At Gossips Anonymous...

'Back in '83 I painted my entire den white with those little bottles of correction fluid. That was the golden age of office supply pilfering.'

"Social distancing... masks, it's difficult sometimes to know who you're talking to."

"I got you a get well card because when I ask for a raise, it makes you sick!"