Talent Show Lover Gifts

'I see ol' red eyes is back.'

'Frankly, milking machines don't suck as much as you, my dear.' Simon Cow

Britain's Got Knives: 'Thank you...Next!'

Trial by Media

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Hi, sweetie! How was the talent show? Did they enjoy your Clay Aiken tribute?

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

"No Hand Sanitiser"

'I'm a star!'

Menopause and the City

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

Clownton Abbey

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

Good Morning Britain

Oscars

"You are the weakest wink...goodbye."

'You have the right to remain silent. . .'

Magic Accident

Magician creates magic square

Alan Davies.

'That should be an easy act to follow.'

'You look and sound like a real pro.'

The Ox Factor

'The records show, I took the blows and did it, the way of whatever sheep happened to be in my way.'

'Would you believe, all this is just part of a new reality show?'

"Anything in Mr, Rogers' neighborhood?"

Morgan Freeman

Sue Perkins