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Chamisso's 'Peter Schlemihl' - Year of the Bargain Elapses

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Books: Novels, Short-Stories, Tall Tales.

'My 'What I Did Over The Weekend' report is about my hunting a 17,000 pound moose, deep inside Canada.Some or all of this report has been fictionalized for dramatic purposes.'

Horror Stories.

"Listen, pal, I’m not seeing a ‘giant squirrel eating a rib-eye steak.’"

"I'm sad to hear everybody lived happily ever after. That means no sequels to this story."

"Well did he?"

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

Early accounting scandals.

'Oh my!...Corn circles, Roswell, aliens, pyramids - there's a connection!...'

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'It was this big. I swear'

'I just have an eerie feeling about this cave.'

Modern History: Last Year/Last Month/Last Week/Yesterday.

Good boy

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'

'Do you honestly expect me to believe that fairy tale?

'He's making tremendous progress. last week he had three tails.'

Coastguard

"In the old days, we used to rescue real travellers. Now, we tend to rescue so-called adventurers and thrill-seekers..."

The Press

Not-Quite-Quick-Enough Sand

Free Little Library

'And now for my William Tell shot.'

'It started off as stories I told my wife.'

I swear, we rode right through the town and my mistress Lady Godiva wasn't wearing a thing...

"My dad was a prize-winning bull too: According to Mum, he won a raffle once at the local fair..."

Librarian.

'Next time, spring for a little more, and get a GOOD GPS'

The giraffe-tamer.