Takeout Jokesters Pillows

'Didn't I tell you we'd be eating fish tonight? Doug's fish fry delivers!'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"I think we overordered."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"If I had a restaurant, it would be called the Can and Microwave"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'Tomorrow we'll just have lettuce and water, OK.'

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

"The last time we ordered take-out I was up all night doing laundry."

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

"What do you say we let the service sector handle our dining needs for tonight?"

'He's just de-man's-best-friended me.'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'