Takeout Jokesters Gifts

'Didn't I tell you we'd be eating fish tonight? Doug's fish fry delivers!'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Extremely Practical Jokes.

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

Some days, we all just feel like a little take-out lo mein.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"I think we overordered."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

"The gods are distributing Chinese menus."

"If I had a restaurant, it would be called the Can and Microwave"

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'Tomorrow we'll just have lettuce and water, OK.'

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

'He's just de-man's-best-friended me.'

'Waiter! There's no hair in my soup!'

"What do you say we let the service sector handle our dining needs for tonight?"

"You know darn well my maiden name wasn't Rex. Why do you ask?"

That's no largemouth bass, son - You caught yourself a rare blabbermouth bass. I'm nothin'! A nobody! Throw me back and I'll show you where the really big fish are!

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

"The last time we ordered take-out I was up all night doing laundry."

"Are you sure this is the Irish guacamole?"

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'