Tail-wagging Philosopher Gifts

Doggy Peer Pressure

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

Dog lover

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

'Thank you for flying Canine Airlines. You can now sit on the furniture.'

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were my dog Willie."

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

'I get the feeling you're wagging your tale on the outside and crying on the inside.'

'No JAMIE,you're NOT keeping any strays! Now GET rid of him and go wash up for dinner!...' / 'Sorry kiddo,i tried...'

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

"You've already been for a walk."

'Max and I have a give and take relationship. He sniffs my butt...and I let him.'

"It's exhausting trying to keep him from throwing away perfectly good sticks."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Should I bark? Flow chart for dogs

'They do say they're a shy breed.'

'No need to shout.'

K9 Authors.

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

Cruel Pet Tricks

'What's all this pet's rights stuff addressed to you?'

"Today no one, and I mean no one, could get the sneakers out of my mouth..."

'Once they noticed your tail wagging, they stopped upping their offer.'

"When did you become such a big animal lover?"

"No, I'm not faking it, I'm really happy when they come home."

"I got you the same thing."

'A walk is supposed to be fun. If it's not, you aren't doing it right.'

"I say you're spoiling that dog."

"We should get together sometime and pee on things."

'He hasn't got a tail, so he wags everything.'

"I can die at peace now knowing your toe nails are neatly clipped."