Tail-wagging Gourmet Guide T-Shirts

"The dog refuses to eat his dinner."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"Today's special is puréed sweet potato on cracker."

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

'No tables are available at this time. Would you be interested in take-out?'

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

'Guess who's ordering the wine.'

"Pipe sludge or overpriced sparkling?"

'The 89's are very forward with meat on the nose and a lingering marrow-bone finish.'

Luca Barocco's Cannoli Sectional

"Well if bread's free, and gravy's free, how about bread and gravy?"

"I wanted to eat like the French... so I am having a burger with bearnaise sauce."

"I'll have the homework special."

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

"Miss, could I have some, ah, just bread?"

'Yes, siree, this certainly has a delightful...stench. You may pour!'

Sushi - prawn trapped inside a dish holds up a sign saying 'Help Me'.

'I was going to send back this dreadful wine - but then I realized it's the perfect match for your dreadful chicken.'

At the Steak Restaurant

'Have you noticed how the building inspector always arrives around lunch time?'

Butler asking if the meat is too hard

"Hey mister! I saw you eating that frog: are you French?"

TV dinner

Frying sausages by the sea.

"Yeah, I paid $29 for mouthwash -- it's a small batch mouthwash."

"May I recommend the prawns? - The freezer's on the blink and they need to be used. . ."

'I hope your 'kittycat gourmet delight' tastes better than my 'doggy sirloin supreme!''

"What's for dinner cook?"

'Wow-THESE prices!!To think my mother called you a burger-and-a-beer bloke!!'