Tail-wagging Gourmet Guide T-Shirts

"The dog refuses to eat his dinner."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

"The food here is excellent- what time is breakfast?"

"When you said, 'Let's go out for dinner,' I thought you meant foraging. This is much better!"

"Today's special is puréed sweet potato on cracker."

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

'Women cook to feed the soul...men cook to feed the ego.'

'No tables are available at this time. Would you be interested in take-out?'

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"Is the parchment in the salmon en papillote humanely raised?"

"Pipe sludge or overpriced sparkling?"

'Guess who's ordering the wine.'

"Well if bread's free, and gravy's free, how about bread and gravy?"

Luca Barocco's Cannoli Sectional

"I wanted to eat like the French... so I am having a burger with bearnaise sauce."

"I'll have the homework special."

'The 89's are very forward with meat on the nose and a lingering marrow-bone finish.'

The prison-food was so bad, the inmates decided to smuggle in a cordon bleu chef!

"Miss, could I have some, ah, just bread?"

Sushi - prawn trapped inside a dish holds up a sign saying 'Help Me'.

'Yes, siree, this certainly has a delightful...stench. You may pour!'

'I was going to send back this dreadful wine - but then I realized it's the perfect match for your dreadful chicken.'

At the Steak Restaurant

'Have you noticed how the building inspector always arrives around lunch time?'

Butler asking if the meat is too hard

"Hey mister! I saw you eating that frog: are you French?"

Frying sausages by the sea.

"Yeah, I paid $29 for mouthwash -- it's a small batch mouthwash."

'Wow-THESE prices!!To think my mother called you a burger-and-a-beer bloke!!'

"May I recommend the prawns? - The freezer's on the blink and they need to be used. . ."

TV dinner

"What's for dinner cook?"

'I hope your 'kittycat gourmet delight' tastes better than my 'doggy sirloin supreme!''