Gastronomy Guide T-Shirts

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Come dine with me!

Counting ribs

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'This might be the common ground we've been looking for.'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

La Table

"Will you have a Sphinx?"

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

View to the Future

Try to guess the continent dining...

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

The Main Types of Cheese

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Perhaps sir would like the dessert menu?'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

'And if you can't find the microbrew you're looking for here, you might want to try our other store: Microbrews C to E.'

"This is our soft opening."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Important Food Groups

Before/After