Tabloid Analyst Gifts

'I never believe anything until it's been officially denied at least twice. . .!'

In the Guru District

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Press Freedom

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'

Newspaper suicide.

Fifty shades of Leveson.

"I'll never forget you."

"'C' is for free CONTENT!"

"Here are today's leading factoids, and I'm Skip Shumaker, spoon-feeding them to you!"