Tabloid Analyst Gifts

'I never believe anything until it's been officially denied at least twice. . .!'

In the Guru District

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'

Press Freedom

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

There's a crew here from 60 minutes and they're coming this way.

'Contrary to the popular view, our studies show that it is real life that contributes to violence on television.'

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"We've won control of the congress. Our next objective is to win control of the media."

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

'My plan for the mid east has approval of both Houses of Congress, Oprah, Larry King, Lettermen and Leno.'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

"I actually saw ten gay characters on television this week—which almost balanced out the 2,174 straight characters I saw."

'No. . . I'll never spend £400 on a haircut. . .'

'Georgy Porgy kiss 'n' tell story.'

Newspaper suicide.

'Apologists today said little white lies -- but not the big lie -- may have played a part in Iraq Policies....'

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

"This is no time for fightin', princess, there's a war on!"

Fifty shades of Leveson.

"I'll never forget you."

"Oh, goody. More reality-based crap."