Sword Master T-Shirts

Fencing.

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

Warrior Woman

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

Epic Battles

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

'Lost your ball again?' - 'No, I've got my ball. I've lost my club.'

"Tonight we dine with the devil. But tomorrow we really need to finish what's left in the fridge."

How Swordfish Are Born

Decapitated coffee.

"I don't think you can get a peace prize for ending a war that you started."

"But if we win and the Visigoths lose then we're the wild card."

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

"Does it hurt when I do this?"

"Pity that 'on' button's a bit of a stretch."

"Eddie, what were you thinking? Either wear boots or go barefoot."

Corporate pirate.

'So you have to ask yourself: do you feel lucky?...well do you, monk?'

Pub Kendo.

'After A Knights Hard Day'

"Could you hold off clipping your coupons until I've finished reading the paper?"

Sawrd Fighting

'I'm going out to forge an alliance.'

An incident from the Eglinton Tournament, scene 2.

Carpenter

I'm not fighting you until you show me your mask.

Shirts vs Skins: 'I don't know about this.'

"Sir George! How did it go with your jousting competition at the Renaissance Fair?"

Child to another child - 'En garde!'

Scheduel.

"Wouldn't it be cool to live in the middle ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords?"

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

The strong corna war