Suspecting An Affair Pillows

"The wife is out 3 evenings a week with her driving instructor. I wouldn't mind but she passed her test in 1983!"

Albania and North Macedonia: entrance denied

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

Chekov play and scorecard,

'If you're using this for research into your next book then you can sleep in the spare room!'

"That's no death grimace, Perkins. I think what we're seeing is a 2.8 million-year-old tight smile of spousal event obligation!"

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

"Now we'll see what my husband has to say about this!"

'My wife! The therapist we hired to help us reinvigorate our marriage!'

'There's a simple explanation, dear. Someone stole my identity.'

"Hola! Tia Carmen's psychic hotline! Can I tell you where your lousy cheating boyfriend is right now?"

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

As an experienced counsellor, she could see that their relationship had been doomed from the start.

'We had the perfect marriage until we took the magazine quiz.'

"I don't mind the dressing up... it's the way they serve the food that irks me."

'What makes you think she's been laying around?'

"You may not like what I've dug out, but you did ask me to snoop into your husband!"

"Poor soul - he's been like that ever since he ran off with my wife..."

Lady of the house pregnant - "The butler did it."

"Your husband is fooling around."

'I followed your husband yesterday. He spent the whole day following you.'

'What she doesn't see in him is a mystery to me.'

"I always take an interest in my husband's hobbies. . . that's why I hired a private detective. . ."

"What you see, Monica, is a facade. Neat, huh?"

Hipster Replacement

'That's cute. You're a Virgo and I'm a vegetarian.'

Run Off With The Bearded Lady.

The wife couldn't bring herself to cut up all my clothes - so she ironed creases in all my jeans.'

"It doesn't look good. They asked for separate checks."

"When he stopped to smell the flowers, his wife found out whose flowers they were!"

"Oh dear, I'm terrible with names."

"Never trust a man! Rupert told me he was vegetarian, but guess what I found in his pocket....spare ribs and roast beef!"

'And that's it in a nutshell son... any questions?'

"You told me he was out of town! You wanted us to get caught, you sick bitch!"