Surreal Comedy Fans Gifts

'There's no easy way to tell you this Mr.Lymtop...But i'm afraid you have an inoperable brain tuna.'

101 uses of a dead cat: piano stand.

'Yes?'

Pothole to hell.

"The operation was a complete success! Come back in ten days and we'll take the safety pins out."

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

"Oh my gosh, honey! Look out!"

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

"That'll be five bucks."

Antlers: A Deer with Ants for Antlers.

Two fishermen land on stumps. Man says to other, 'Is that enough structure for ya?!'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"Cat World Domination Day June 24th"

"I can never remember - do these go in garbage or compost?"

Fish with a human in a bowl.

"We have plenty of time to catch the ark."

'We were thinking of naming him after his daddy, but I don't really like the name, Old slap head.'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

"Friends have been scribbling on my cast."

Standard & Poor

'Did you hear that? They said 'Hello' to you.'

"He says he's sure this isn't Wildwood. Did you put batteries in the GPS?"

Technique #54 airlines are adopting for handling excessive carry on luggage.

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"Don't go in there!!"

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

'It's a nicotine patch...I've been smoking too much.'

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

Yakety-Yak

Honey are you in the mood to fleece a cow tonight

The first case of resume padding.

"Beer? I see you taught Roscoe to fetch?"

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'