Surgery Survivor Pillows

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

In case of poor surgery, break glass for malpractice attorney.

'Don't worry. That questionnaire is a lot more intrusive than your surgery will be.'

'Gee!'

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

"Have you considered spinal fusion?"

'I told you you'd be out cold for the whole operation.'

'Except for the part when he fell of the table, your husband's operation was a complete success...'

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'If it has the word 'ectomy' after it, I've already had it.'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

'If it has the word 'ectomy' after it, I've already had it.'

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

'He's been like this ever since he had his laser eye treatment.'

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

The operation was going extremely well, but then very unexpectedly, he got trampled.

Barbeque Casualty.

"She fell down stairs again, so this is her third hip."

Gary turns 40.

'Oh, believe me -- you don't want to hear it in layman's terms!'

'He usually doesn't follow medical advice, but when the doctor told him to learn to relax...'

'The funny part is that the aerial was fine -- the TV set was just unplugged!'

En garde!

"She keeps getting a stitch in her side."

"Please, doc, pull the plug. Not on me...on the TV!"

"Picasso: Post cataract surgery."

'Time for your pills.'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"I never imagined I'd be up on my feet this soon."

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

"I'd delighted your son wants to be a surgeon.. but that no reason to let let him practice on you."