Supportive Sage Pillows

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

'How could you flunk stone shop?'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"

The older I get, the more introspective I get, or is that retrospective?'

One way only.

'Oh, yeah? -- Well, my true inner self can whip your true inner self!'

'Chicken soup for dummies who don't sweat the small stuff.'

"Pastor, may we share a message with you about humility?"

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'It's the Mesolithic Age? - But I just got used to the PALEOlithic!'

Bishop with a crozier case.

'How am I supposed to meditate with your nose whistling?'

"Time heals all wounds. It also kills every living thing."

'They say ninety is the new eighty.'

"That was a fascinating regression. Apparently, you were a pirate in a previous life!"

'Huh...I just got this sudden, uncontrollable urge to invent spoken language.'

Couldn't you have used a smaller font?

"Don't worry, it's nothing."

"Hunters turned philosophers"

"You're confusing guilt with feelings of remorse. With remorse, you don't need a lawyer."

How to believe in yourself.

'Meaning of life, eh? -- Who wants to know?'

'It appears to be a blog clog.'

Philosopher Wang Yangming, China

'All that we learn from history is that we don't learn from history...'

'These people have terrible attention spans - I'll just bring them ten commandments at a time.'

'There goes Mr. Negativity.'

Having a senior moment

"I'm going to call it zero."