Supper Enthusiast Pillows

"Got room for another at supper, dear?"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Soup of the month.

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"Rump roast?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Jeff soon discovered his mistake in ordering the one ton soup.

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

Alphabet soup gets cold for slow readers.

'Who gets the decaf?'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'