Supermarket Snacker Gifts

Factory raised chickens. . .Free range chickens. . . Chickens that crossed the road.

'The school bus drove off without me. The driver said she couldn't allow one more peanut butter sandwich on her bus.'

Super Heroes.

"5 chocolate brownies, 3 banana muffins, 4 caramel cookies and one cappuccino - skinny."

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"The bagels are better in New York."

"I was going to share my cookies with teddy, but he's on a diet....so I had to eat them all."

Breakfast surreal.

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

"Don't make me resort to alternative questioning techniques."

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Alexa, tell me ways I can be less of a lazy slob who won't get up to turn off the lights."

Complex Carbs

"You'll never lose weight if you don't stop nibbling at your desk."

Cookie Thief

'Don't take it personally... he doesn't know I'm here either.'

"We grind our own catnip."

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

"I recommend the pimento loaf with pickle. It's bursting with umami."

'We're going to need a bigger basket.'

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

Birthday Party Supplies: Plates, Cups, Decorations, Games, Aspirin, Ibuprofen.

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

'Get the kind with the little marshmallows.'

'Only two cookies? What is this -- a quota system?'

'There you are - you know you're not supposed to be eating that!'

'No, I'm NOT break dancing.'

Self Service, Self Denial

"Today is catch-your-own day."

"I'm fairly sure you can't count jaffa cakes as one of your five a day."

"These are the best seats. Remember when they used to put us next to the bus stop?"

'I'm giving my tortoise a white knuckle ride!'

'Let's buy juice from that mobile juice bar! Oh, it's gone.'