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The Adventures Of Normalman

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Life is for the birds.

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

Cord cutter

Joe's 'Take Responsibility For Your Own Actions' Bar.

'Due to government surveillance, is my allowance taxable?'

"She's a miniature."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

'Does it bother anyone else that our entire business is based on one questionable product?'

"...our Annual Report has been criticised for lack of clarity - well done!"

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask

Standard & Poor

'Who's the new guy?'

"It's trickle down."

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

"Neversource"

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

In my day, they didn

Mr. Cranky Pants Plants A Garden Part 9

Hudibras - 2 - The manner how he sallies forth.

'I'm afraid we can't deliver your baby until your CRB check comes through.'

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

"And, for insurance purposes, you must buy insurance."

'My diagnostic software is acting up. It says you are pregnant.'

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

'So what if few limp-wristed girlie men think we're too extreme!'

"We'll up your medication and with any luck your delusions should significantly reduce!"

'Why would a just God allow so many teenage vampire movies?'

'Are you free at the moment?'

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

"These days they prefer to harass me on twitter."