Superficial Humor Lover Pillows

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Crap from the future.

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Antlers: A Deer with Ants for Antlers.

Maybe there's something to this global warming after all.

Minority Report

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Maybe our beloved founder is trying to tell us something."

What do you say we team up to star in a sequel to "The Elephant Man" called "The Wolverine Boy"? !

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

The Female Brain and The Other One

Honest Voting Stickers

The Monroe Doctrine

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

Think tanks.

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

Suggestions and Cheap Shots.

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

Only in America

Recipes for comfort drinks.

"Bad news. Our heads aren't lightbulbs."

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

'...and do you solemnly swear to update your facebook status to 'married'?'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

Police Lineup Escape

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'