Superficial Humor Lover Pillows

"I don't remember him or the meal or what movie we saw. All I remember is I wore the right jeans."

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

Crap from the future.

Antlers: A Deer with Ants for Antlers.

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

Maybe there's something to this global warming after all.

'I didn't think of it as someone else writing my term paper, I thought of it more as a guest blogger situation.'

"Despite thoroughly scraping the celebrity barrel, that Orwellian nightmare Celebrity Big Brother is back on our screens again."

The Female Brain and The Other One

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

The Monroe Doctrine

Honest Voting Stickers

"The way you look at me, Craig... you really see me."

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

Before disposing of useless information please make file copies.

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

Think tanks.

Suggestions and Cheap Shots.

"You're on 'Ask Sadie.' What's your problem?!" "I want to go back to work." "But my son is still so young. I'd have to send him to preschool or day care. And then most of my salary would go to pay for that. So what should I do?" "You should do what we did in my day: Have six more kids and then let them all fend for themselves!" "If your eldest isn't a strong leader, it may get a little 'Lord of the Flies'-ish, but that builds character!" "...in the survivors."

"I was forced into early retirement. Is that even legal?"

"Bad news. Our heads aren't lightbulbs."

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

Recipes for comfort drinks.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

Our large economy size packet hasn't been selling...it's too big to carry home.

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

Police Lineup Escape

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

'Escape?...Why?'