Microscopic Humor Lover Pillows

"Oooh Martha! Loving what you've done to your hair!"

"Psst -- Your mitochondria are showing!"

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"You left this on our ship."

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Party Twenty Three

"We have to take that science away from Tommy...he's genetically modified the cat!"

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

"Sorry sir - the self-propelling pencils have all just walked out..."

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

Astral Projection

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

"Why the gumboots? Well, I can't stand slimy things touching my feet..."

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

'So,,,apparently you're really a dude,'

'Can I have flies with that'

He wanted a different one.

Armed dogs wait for hot dog vendor.

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

"Daddy is off to work in a data mine."

Jars containing a Brain and a Brain Fart.

'It's a giant inkblot on loan from the psychiatrist who owns the unit next door.'

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

Toenail clipping missile.

Updated fairy tales - "Cinderella." Dating Service. It's not often we get a client looking for a specific shoe size.

"Barnes is morphing into some kind of strange creature. I warned him about eating out of the vending machines."

Sir Isaac Newton wondered how he couldexplain this! (Pineapple)