Sundial Collector Mugs

"Can that be right?"

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Sundial Time

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

"I'm in disguise."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

"It's running five minutes fast."

'Luckily, it doesn't look too serious.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Unsmiley face at the psychiatrist...

Fridge Magnets/Military Medals

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

The public was right

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

'I know it looks silly, but they say his prophecies have regained their old accuracy.'

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"I wonder what this was for."

'How old is this vase?'

'If you ask me the time again, I'll punch you!'

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

'Take us to your chief emoticon.'

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

'This is Ian, my new boyfriend. Did I mention he was a record holder?'

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

Pawnshop: Genuine Fake Watches.

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers