Sunday Reader Gifts

'I'm just spending the morning in bed with the Sunday funnies.'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

No Parking - Scandal or No Scandal

Reading the sports pages.

"It's me. I'm calling in sick of it."

"The car is in the garage, but I had to drive over the lawnmower."

Rhinoceros Is Most Intelligent Ungulate

"I'm having a pajama day."

"Well, I think we come back as newspapers." "You're nuts."

Cleaner dusting under man's toupee.

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"Yes dear, I know lots of people have a second honeymoon. But we only got back from our first one last week."

"So—who are you angry at currently?"

'No, I am not finished with the comics section, now give me back my glasses!'

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

"This is the way I like it - I pretend to be asleep and he doesn't bother me."

When Dogs Appear To Be Thinking.

"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

"Someday when you have a kid of your own and you feel the urge to arbitrarily say no just because you can, you'll understand."

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

'Stocks rose, then dropped on news that life is full of highs and lows.'

'It's our latest line-suits for t.v announcers'

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

"God has chosen to ignore my prayers concerning the outcome of this year's election, and so I feel that I am once again free to be a very bad little boy."

'Nothing's happened today-read it dead slowly.'

Celebrity anagrams: Is a salt water rat (Answer: Alastair Stewart)

"I hope I live long enough to see Bush's view of his legacy come true! I'll be around a long, long, long time!"

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

"It's five post meridiem in Central Europe. Compliled form the major networks the news is next."

NEWS WEATHER SPORTS

'Ed' 'Op-ed'

'That's nothing new. Thatcher had a similar plan, but she called hers; 'Every man for himself'.'