Summer Staycationer Gifts

"This summer, we decided to stay home and complain."

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

Invasion Of The Summer Aliens

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

Wood Stain and Sun Tan Lotion

'Frankly, I think watching paint dry has been given a bad press.'

"Eventually, you'll learn to hate your body, then love it again, then hate it—and back and forth until the beach becomes very complicated."

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

"Now you've seen the bust how about letting me see Naples?"

'Now here's a place I like!'

Ice Cream And Summer Rentals

Easter Island Shades...

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

Kangaroo - Mum dropping her ice-cream on Joey's head.

Camping.

How did you get your parents to send you to Costa Rica this summer, Ingrid? By almost flunking Spanish. That's dire. Hardly! I'll party and practice my accent. Next year�remind me to bring my French grade down. Si!

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

'Think, Billy - where did you bury Dad?'

Watching Sea Life.

'This is alphabet soup, Mom. I don't use the alphabet in the summer.'

'You know your problem, Harlan? You need to get in touch with your 'inner beach bum'.'

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

"Yipeee!"

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, but you'll have to put your dust jacket back on."

'We are now passing through the Sicilian Triangle, otherwise known as 'The Drink','

On holiday...

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

Crabbing

Over summer vacation kids forget much of what they learned in school. They lose their train of "taught"!

A gondolier clears leaves form a pool

"Yay! School is done!!"

"I've seen 'Top Gun,' 'Raw Deal,' 'Short Circuit,' 'Cobra,' 'Invaders from Mars,' 'SpaceCamp,' and 'Wise Guys,' but in August I'm going to join Mary and the kids on the Cape."

'You'd better dig him up again, Veronica - He's got the car keys!'

Inbox and outbox for books

I wanted to holiday at home...But in Spain.