Summer Sports Lover Gifts

Tennis

'Underarm. . . underarm!'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

Golfer Shouts at Ball to Go Into Hole.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"I was sent down to the minors and from there to Europe, and one thing just led to another."

If nobody had invented graphics

Football Chameleon

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

Mixed Doubles.

Monica Seles

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

I love your enthusiasm, girls, but we're not opening a can of whoop-ANYTHING.

A day at the transgenic races

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Ratminton

"How should we divide the teams?"

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

A married couple share the same pole vault.

Gary turns 40.

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."