Sugar Saboteur Gifts

"And here we go folks! He's got to remove that first slice of pie all in one piece."

Revenge of the Jelly Mother.

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"I want to leave myself some caloric margin of error for dessert."

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Doughnut Making

"The best thing about this, is the lovely honeycomb centre."

'What kind of filling would you like?'

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

'The cake timer dinged, Mom, and so did my stomach.'

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

'If I promise to be good for the next 30 years, can I have some sweets Dad?'

Brother Ernest, you have give up all donuts for lent, not just the ones with pink icing.

"Croissants? Donuts? Chocolate? Good price, madame! Good price!"

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

'I see you're hacking the fridge again.'

'The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it!'

'I've decided to get serious about losing weight. I moved the refrigerator out of my bedroom.'

Man passes Holistic Health Clinic and sees Holistic Donuts.

"My summer vacation report contains descriptions of excessive sugar consumption, and unsupervised play. Listener discretion is advised."

"Why have you brought me here?"

"So I said to myself...who am I to deny this calling?"

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

"Teeth cleaned. No questions asked."

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

'How do we bake such delicious large muffins that have only 20 calories? Easy, false advertising.'

I resolve to drive past a gym at least twice a week

'If you think about it, would you give him a coffee with 17 spoonfuls of sugar in it?'

"I'm starting a new diet today. Let's go out for ice cream to celebrate."

'Been toying with commodities again, have we?'

"Putting a steak, chicken wings and potato chips on a salad kind of negates the eating healthy concept."

Black Forest Cake

"Psst... jelly doughnuts."