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"It's getting harder and harder to be different around here."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

The Computer Bore

Others will fight for you

In/Out/These Things Happen.

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

Boss's Desk Says No!

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"He's not really much of a leader...he just has a lot of followers."

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

Working hours.

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."