Suburbia Socialite T-Shirts

Suburban families on lawn.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

Superman flies Batman over a suburban neighborhood.

"Another flue shot, Larry.

Children's Party

Why weren't we born rich instead of beautiful?

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

Rod was unimpressed with the party - Sure, he was surrounded by bikini-clad lovelies, there was free champagne and a 20-foot jelly, but much to his chagrin, there was a distinct lack of cheese and pineapple chunks.

"Whoa! Wrong bar?"

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

Beware of the Lawn

A day at the races

'Fill 'er up Fred!'

"I never get a girls name tattooed on a first date."

"Brian's considering the optics."

'Ah, beer! And the bringer of beer!'

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'

'Can I get you anything? Coffee? A biscuit?...A lift home?'

"Francophobe meet Francophile."

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

"Either you're emitting the scent of power, or your phone battery is about to explode."

"This is the Upper East Side, sir. We don’t sell ‘well’ vodka."

'Can anybody here separate their fingers and if so will you pour?'

"Please try not to offer expert analysis."

Come on, honey. The neighborhood potlucks are fun. Fun?! Everyone brings something simple. Totally stress-free. Ha! Last year you made lemon-stuffed slow roasted sea bass with guacamole cilantro chutney. I won't do that again! Guacamole is over. Avocado grapefruit coulis will work.

"I want you two to meet some people who just bought a fabulous five-story brownstone with a garden in Troy, New York."

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

'Oh, we've met. We were once married to one another.'

"Quick! Get your gun, Pa! Here come the suburbs."

"Your party just totally blew us away."