Suburban Sage Pillows

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

'Unbelievable: My cowboy expects me to drop everything and come running when he whistles...'

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

"For the last time, I’m not Bigfoot — I’m Larry from Vermont!"

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

"William Blake said you can see the whole world in a grain of sand, but he doesn't always make a lot of sense."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Look, I want you back, but I'm not going to beg.'

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

Saguaro Cacti.

"Of course, you try to raise your kids so they won't need lawyers."

The chip - Loyal worker, tireless teacher, friend

'And in further economic news, the silver lining in the latest economic crisies has been downgraded to bronze.'

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

'Found it ... Good heavens! It's the size of a soccer ball!..'

A panhandler with a sign that reads "Sadder but no wiser".

Examine stored vegetables and throw out those which show signs of rotting.

Street Smarts.

'It was Bob's last wish to spread his ashes on the spot where he spent most of his athletic career.'

The Senior Citizen Surfer

Jesus Saves

"The real money is in franchising."

"If you don't want to know the score..."

Fortune Teller using a satellite to help pick up clairvoyant signals.

"Yes, I've seen a few changes."

" guess we can relax. They say they're Zulu Surfer Dudes."

"I don't think you'll still be that 'Zen' when I tell you someone's nicked your cheese and pickle sandwich from the fridge."

The Deli Lama - Sandwich shop.

"Great waves to day, dude!"

"I see that the dow is up today."

'Let me guess, a graduate of the 'school of hard knocks'?'