Subscription Service Skeptic Pillows

"How come in these days of downsizing and lower expectations, all these sneakers come with ridiculously long laces?"

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

Wine of the Day Club

'If content is king, why doesn't anybody want to pay for it.'

"I'm sorry, your grapefruit subscription ran out and I forgot to renew it."

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

Subpoena-of-the-Month Club

Man with fake beard gets a package from the Beard of the Month club.

Houdini 2019

After our sun sheds the last of its energy and collapses in on itself... ...after the solar systems degraded, their planets flung out and consumed... And after those billions of stars in their billions of galaxies are all slowly snuffed out one by one... ...and after the last of the supermassive black holes evaporates... A single last question will remain, drifting through the long, cosmic dark... To renew your universe, please update your payment details.

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

'Self service.' 'How much do I tip myself?'

"I subscribed to a collector's magazine! It has great interviews with big-time collectors who buy the world's rarest treasures."

"This bill is the same as your estimate! What did'nt you do?"

Limbo services: 'what gives...this line hasn't moved for hours!'

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

"When did Charlie switch to a subscription model?" "Sniff my butt"

"Now paid subscribers will have access to as much free content as non-subscribers."

"Did you join the testimony-of-the-month club?"

Our bank account is now behind a paywall...

"I'm sure it was just an oversight, sir, but your subscription to 'Time' has lapsed."

"24 hour service. Yes, that's how long it takes us to prepare your pub lunch."

Cable / Satellite / Digital TV "Still nothing on TV."

"You know very well what subscription forms."

Subscribe to The Times? Girl Scout cookies? Donate to the food bank? Bob only needed a few items, but first he had to walk the Solicitor Gauntlet.

Supermarkets

"We've become so diversified these days...let me check to see if we have anything at all to do with customer service."

Supermarket Self Service Checkout

'Stop whining about commitment! I only asked you to go in on a magazine subscription.'

Q & A's How to unsubscribe.

'A second opinion? All right, but I charge double for that.'