Subscription Fanatic Gifts

"Hello, I'm calling to cancel my subscription to the Punch-of-the-Month basket."

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

"Well, he looks alive as of 10 minutes ago, but the stream is frozen."

Jim Carrey,

We're With Stupid

"The Curse of the robot followers: At first, Rob was thrilled with the all the attention and followers."

Knight

"I'm sorry, your grapefruit subscription ran out and I forgot to renew it."

"I'm on Twitter and I get the feeling I'm not being followed."

'The stuff legends are made of'

Guess what else I found on Youtube, Randy? Evidence Vladimir Putin is an immortal. There are two photos of soldiers who look exactly like Putin, taken in 1941 and way back in 1920. Exactly like him. Could be they're related. The notion of genetics is a huge conspiracy by the immortals. I found that out on Youtube.

Time-of-the-month club.

"Now are you convinced that the tax simplification plan will work?"

'Whoa! A classic case of mailbox catalog overload blowout!'

Bees reading the Buzz and the Bizz.

"It's not enough -- others must follow me on social media."

Mon is reading by the light of the eye of providence.

"Our marriage has been renewed for another season."

Who's Hoot

'35,000 twitter followers, but no real friends...'

"Am I not being funny enough?"

"When did Charlie switch to a subscription model?" "Sniff my butt"

"Now paid subscribers will have access to as much free content as non-subscribers."

Club of the Month

"Did you join the testimony-of-the-month club?"

'And not only do we think you were lying when you told us Larry went on a winter vacation, we think you had something to do with it!'

'I stay out of the sun and use a fan: That way, I don't need to roll in the mud to keep cool...'

"Well, if you don't count yourself, how many followers do you have?"

"I'm sure it was just an oversight, sir, but your subscription to 'Time' has lapsed."

"Chasing high net worth clients is a fast moving game. . . it's not just bakers and financiers we need to understand. . ."

"I didn't know you COULD finish Netflix."

Computers with TV - Tv's with the internet

"Do you know how many followers I've got?"

I blew it. I lost my Twitter followers and my Facebook followers. All I did was ask if they like me. Objective failure. Never be that vulnerable. People hate that kind of weakness. But, in the end, you can't help it. It's your nature. So people didn't like my true nature? But you like me, right? Please rephrase this sort of question so you don't look like such an idiot!