Subscription Cynic Pillows

'No! There isn't an option to unsubscribe!'

Your Trial Subscription Has Expired.

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

"Dear, if the news stresses you out so much, turn it off!"

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

Diogenes and tourists

Unsocial Networking.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

Obama builds own gallows.

Bush vs. America

Bartender, there's a human finger in my beer. Today's comics readers are pretty jaded, sir. They're no longer shocked by a fly in a bowl of soup.

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"Just saying, if you can't trust your software upgrades, what can you trust?"

"Well, if you can't trust software upgrades, who can you trust?"

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

"Man, I'm sooooo bored!"

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."

The first accurate poll.

Sucking Up to Gen X

'Our government is comprised of three branches - politicians, lobbyists, and the media.'

The Ekert Saga: '...A place where people are always unhappy no matter how well things are going? Ah! Got it...Go to Fenway Park in Boston.'

'The following program may not be suitable for those of you who are sick and tired of politics....'

'These are fine, but what's in it for me?'

"So apart from stop being 'lying hypocritical uncaring bastards who'd promise anything to get back in power'...is there anything else we might do to secure your vote?"

"I want a campaign that shows the brand's empathetic, inclusive and caring side - or you're all fired."

Finally, a news network that doesn't fill me up...it's 97 fact free!