Submitting A Manuscript Gifts

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet the author"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

"I did the best dental health poster in the class. I just hope Mr. Tooth Decay doesn't hold a grudge."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

Now showing, at a University near you...

Thank you for not doing research that has already been done.

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

Isabel Allende

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

"The Wi-Fi password is publish 'publish or perish'."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

Trilby - Finis

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

I'll be honest, Jerry - When you invited me to join your book club, this is not what I expected.

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

Peer-reviewed journal publication.

Book publisher telling author about some changes needed.

Book publishing.

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

Louis L'Amour hones his craft.

Colin kept a notebook by his bed to write down any ideas he had during the night... "Genulph hyu donkey slapperthwaite."

Proceedings of the club

'Y'know it started as a bedtime story he told his kids.'

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

"We're still pretty far apart. I'm looking for a six-figure advance and they're refusing to read the manuscript."