Manuscript Reviewer Gifts

Proceedings of the club

'Yes, it's very good, but I'm afraid it's already been done, Mr. Nutkin.'

'It's very nice, dear, but it's still not as lovely as a tree.'

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"By God, for a minute there it suddenly all made sense!"

Editor.

'You can't reject my manuscript without due process!'

'Thank god for the spellchecker!'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

Publisher to writer: 'It was a great read, except I collided with run-on sentences, tripped over broken English and got knocked about by a dangling participle.'

"We do not usually acknowledge unsolicited manuscripts, but we want you to know that we tore yours into tiny pieces. Yours sincerely, The Op-Ed Page."

Man has thrown his computer aside and is writing on a typewriter.

"Your book stinks—we want to publish it."

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

Colin kept a notebook by his bed to write down any ideas he had during the night... "Genulph hyu donkey slapperthwaite."

A monk illustrates a manuscript with emojis

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

'Look on it as... constructive criticism.'

"I just want to say thanks for getting me into this writing group."

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

"We're still pretty far apart. I'm looking for a six-figure advance and they're refusing to read the manuscript."

"Right here is where you lost the narrative flow."

'Thank you for your submission. If we're interested, we'll be in touch.'

'You will write a book, but it won't be on Oprah's recommended list.'

"They have a wonderful author-editor relationship."