Style-savvy Patient Pillows

'Do the flu masks come in other colors?'

New Shoes.

"And now. . . which shoes?"

'This is too small. Get me a 12...How many times?! I'm a 10 or a 12 on top and a 12 or 14 on the bottom depending on the shop, the cut of the fabric, the ambient air temperature, and the rotation of Pluto...and we always try the 10 first capiche?'

"I don't care what it was or how hard it was to kill. It makes me look fat."

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

'Isn't this cast great? Dr. Emily's minor was sculpture in college!'

"Trust me, detainee orange is going to be huge this fall."

"If they're already killing you, you know they're the right fit."

'Admit it,you've been bothering the nurses again,haven't you?

"A guy in 'recovery' wants to buy your slippers."

'We want to adopt a kid. Do you have a choice our feng shui consultant can look at?'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"It's a very hip disease, so it's good that we caught it early, before everyone's talking about it."

"Wow! I didn't even know Prada made pencil cases."

'Can we do a quick respray to match her super new outfit?'

'Take ten years off the top.'

"This is our new one-piece for the more mature ladies."

'I can just make it out. She's saying 'call my hairdresser'.'

'Regarding the surgery you just had - I hope you have a good sense of humour.'

"I'm going to prescribe a generic placebo."

Designer labels "I'm sorry, but I think I've forgotten your name."

"Have you ever wondered what I'd look like in skinny jeans?"

'Maybe a tad too much eye makeup.'

A School Girl and Teacher.

'What do you call a blonde doing hand stands? A brunette.'

Do you have a larger suit in the same size?

"We've ruled out anything trendy."

Blonde woman talking to airport bookshop assistant, 'I'll be spending a lot of time by the pool - do you have anything in pink that would match my bikini?'

'His hairdresser died last year, and he won't go to anyone else.'

The Urban Utility Belt

"How can we afford to eat at a place where the doggie bags are Gucci?"

'Growing a beard?' - 'Yes, not so much face to wash.'